The awesome co-hosts for this month are Nancy Gideon, Tamara Narayan, Roaming About, Michelle Wallace,and Feather Stone!
The thing is I'm trying to teach myself is to accept that I can't do the things like I used to. I have THREE chronic conditions that aren't going away anytime soon.
You know how when you're sick and you're tired and they say it's because your immune system is working to eradicate the sickness? Well, I get that without being sick. It's especially like that for the Iritis because it's my immune system thinking my eye is a virus that needs to be eradicated.
For a long time I kept pushing myself and trying to keep doing what I used. Then I'd crash. Naps were inevitable––they still are––but the rest of the day and evening I'd have no energy to do anything else despite sleeping. I'd stare at the TV (it was off) and tell myself to get up and get stuff done (like dishes), but getting off the couch was more effort than I had. Sometimes the essentials like breathing and my pulse felt like too much. They had to happen, but I didn't feel like I had the strength for them. (Obviously I did since I'm still here, but my point is just sitting there and doing nothing felt like a work out.)
All this has had an impact on my writing and blogging. I don't reply to comments here anymore because I'd rather use that energy to visit the person back. I don't read every blog now because writing needs to get done and I only have the energy for one. Sometimes I do a bunch of posts at once because I have the energy then and I know it won't be there later. I have to prioritize.
This is a new reality that is really hard to grasp. Anyone with a chronic illness knows this. I'm just now getting around to admitting it and telling people I have a chronic illness and that's why whenever I ask how I'm doing my answer is "Tired." It's the default, so if I don't say it, I'm having a very good day.
It's also a bit of a lie. The real answer is "Exhausted. Fatigued. No energy." But tired is something people get easily, and they don't question more so I don't have to waste the energy I don't have to explain why I look perfectly healthy but am exhausted out of my mind. (And the scary thing for me is I know I don't have it that bad. Daily, I can get out of bed and go to work and get things done. The really bad days like described above don't happen too much.)
I don't know where I'm going with this post and it's already too long. Maybe I'm just hoping for tips and tricks from other people with chronic illnesses. I'm tired of being tired all the time. It really affects your mental health, and sleeping never fixes it (having mild sleep apnea that insurance won't cover does not help matters!) IWSG is about venting, so I guess that's what this is, and hey, I at least tied it to writing a little bit.