First off, I'd like to point out, if you haven't heard by now, the IWSG book, The Insecure Writer’s Support Group Guide to Publishing and Beyond is available! Grab your copy at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, or Smashwords.
On to my insecurities. I don't even know where to freaking begin.
Seriously, where do I begin? That's kind of an honest question. It's IWSG time so I'm attempting to be honest and admit things I normally keep to myself. I'd like help, but it's not easy for me to share, and the end results usually leave me feeling stupid. That's probably why I don't share. I say I feel like a crappy writer and someone will reply, "No, you're not." or "You just have to give it time to grow an audience." Like I'm an idiot. (Yes, I understand it's not their intention, but that's how I end up feeling. It's not a good feeling and I don't need help feeling that way.)
Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm going the wrong way. My audience is shrinking. With Being Human, I had managed to grow a little audience, but over time, it's shrunk and dwindled instead of grow (look at my follower widgets as an example. Those numbers haven't changed since April.) It's not from the lack of trying. I do promotions and try to get the word out, I tweet about things other than my books and retweet cool things I see. People tell me what I write is interesting, that it doesn't suck, but things still seem to keep going in the wrong direction. I'm not running out of ideas to try, but the motivation and drive is failing. Disappointment is dragging me down (this fatigue problem isn't helping.) Why bother keeps popping in my head. My main answer right now is I'm too stubborn. I don't want to quit or be a complete failure, so I keep slogging on.
Kind of like this post. I can't really say what the point of it is. Is it motivational or a plea for help? Beats me. Maybe it's just honesty. Things really suck for me writing-wise and I feel really down in the dumps and I'm not sure how to pull myself out. But I'm refusing to give in. Who knows if that will be enough.
PS: I wrote this while feeling pretty crummy. Doing better today, in case you were curious.