Some days

I'm going to warn you right now, this post is honest. I'm not going to sugar coat anything or pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns.

Today has been... blue. My spirits are in the dirt and my motivation MIA. I wrote 3 or 4K on a short today and it all felt lack luster. The words were't bad, but there was no emotion, no connection to the character. I wasn't feeling what I felt when I started his story a couple days ago.

Various things have got me down right now. My chair broke and I need a new one. I also need a new canopy for outside craft shows. Neither of those are cheap to replace. I'm waiting on payment from the Turkish rights deal before I can get either of them plus a birthday present for hubby. Let's not talk about how so far this months my sales for Being Human make me want to curl up in a ball and sob.

I'm so close to 666 followers on twitter. My announcement of a prize when I hit 666 was followed by a drop in followers. Since then the number has hovered a few shy. I keep tweeting, but 666 remains elusive. And honestly, I'm starting to feel like I'm spamming everyone. How do some do it? How do they get RT after RT? How do they find people who will hawk their stuff without asking?

I tried blogging about it and having a bonus giveaway, but that doesn't seem to be generating much interest either. It's not that people aren't seeing the post either. My blog hits are great but it's not translating into entries. By morning I expect I'll be so bummed I'll delete all my writing and never leave the bedroom. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I won't delete my writing and I have to leave the bedroom But it's making me consider never bothering with offering to give my book away as a prize. Am I just not interesting or talented enough? Am I doing something wrong? I'm trying to find interesting stuff that people want to comment on.

This is all a song and dance I've done before. Usually, I keep quiet. Others writers are always stressing: Be professional. Which can translate into: Don't be a bitch, don't whine or complain. People only want to see you happy and hear about how well you're doing. Except I'm not happy and doing well all the time. My life has it's ups and downs and that includes my writing. I hate having to bite my tongue when I want to be open and honest. I want to share the good and the bad. I'm not perfect, but if I only show the good and perfect things then people won't know the real me. I'll be an illusion. A fake. Here's some of the bad that comes with the good.

Some days I feel utterly hopeless. Some days I want to whine and moan. Some days I want to hide. Some days I just want someone to notice me (yes, even with all my anti-social proclamations.) Some days it'd be nice if people scratched my back too. Some days a little reassurance would be nice.

Some days I'm less a writer and only human.