 If you recall my last #writemotivation update, I decided to put most goals on the back burner and focus on my positivity goal because I wasn't doing too great at it. Last week started good, but ended on a bad note. Day job woes as usual, but I think I'm reaching my limit. No, I know I am because I actually talked to The Boss about it. And I avoid that because I know that we (me, the head cook, and The Boss) are all struggling to deal with the crap going on. I'm just a prep cook, so it really doesn't affect me as much as it does The Boss. This is her business, her name is on the front. I don't want to add to her stress level. I do my job for her sake, not just because she's my boss, but because she is a great person and I respect her. But my happiness is important. Especially when I'm struggling to hold onto it. It's easier for me to admit here because I'm not face to face with anyone. (I had to write hubby a note about the self destructive thing I did the other week. That's how hard of a time I have discussing my problems with others. I should be able to tell hubby anything and I can't.) There's no judgment or interruptions to derail me. Lately, I've had a lot of dangerous thoughts. And there was the self destructive thing I did. It's why it's important I focus on the goal to stay positive. I want to be happy and appreciate everything I have. Not implode like I slowly am. That was why it was so important that I talked to my boss. It was a big step for me too! Normally, I hold myself together until I'm alone and then I break down. I told her what happened, how I was feeling, and this is the best part, she understood. She got that I was doing my best, but could only take so much. No, I didn't quit, but I was definitely feeling better about the situation. It'd be nice to end on that happy note, expect at 8:30am Saturday morning the head cook texted me, yelling at me for not doing my job because she was mad The Boss gave me the day off and made her work instead. I understand her anger, (the past three weeks, my days off have been spent covering for another coworker) but I'm now back on square zero. I spent the rest of the weekend stressed over how today will play out when I go in for my shift. TL;DR – goal not achieved this week. =( PS: It took me three hours to write this. 
18 Comments
Jessie Stank
3/23/2014 11:06:24 pm
Hang in there, baby. 3/24/2014 12:49:04 pm
I am SO ready for the snow to leave! 3/24/2014 12:57:30 am
The cook's problems are not yours. Tell the cook to take it up with the Boss. 3/24/2014 12:49:52 pm
Writing it out usually does help. There's been a few times I've drafted blog posts only to delete them later. 3/24/2014 02:07:37 am
It sounds like you're pretty near the place I was when I quit my last full-time job. The difference is that I didn't have a boss/manager I could talk to about the problems there - whenever I did bring up a problem, I was pretty much told to suck it up and be a big girl. Even when my health was on the line - which it was. Having unsympathetic managers when I was in the first stages of heat stroke was the final straw for me.
Unfortunately you can't control what other people do so even when you take a step forward they can push you back, but that won't always happen. Speaking up when you need to can be very difficult and the fact you did it is admirable in itself, despite how others might react. They of course are struggling with their own problems which you are neither the cause of or responsible for. 3/24/2014 12:53:06 pm
They of course are struggling with their own problems << That's why I try to be sympathetic with my coworkers and when things are really rough, try hard to push through the annoyances and do what needs to be done. But sometimes it's like, "Hey, things aren't easy for me either and a little sympathy would be nice." 3/24/2014 02:26:10 pm
I'm so glad you could talk to your Boss about things, but I'm sorry the weekend spiraled due to the cook. 3/25/2014 12:19:53 pm
If you could send over a good working, non-drug addicted cook that'd be great. Or a vacation. ;) 3/25/2014 03:46:43 pm
I do the same thing. Everything you just said is frighteningly familiar. I write things down because I don't know how to make myself talk about them sometimes. I've really been working on this for the past year though, and I'm getting better. 3/26/2014 01:33:46 am
Isn't it always thrilling when you find something someone says and it's so eerily similar to how you feel or think? 3/27/2014 01:40:19 am
Oh sweetie! I just want to reach through these bits and bytes and give you one big squeezy hug! I completely understand the meltdown, the not being able to discuss feelings, the implosion! I've been there. Done that. And each time, I've come through. So my track record of coming through those rough times is 100%. I bet if you look at that too, you'd see you're batting 1000 just like me. Yeah, the bad sucks ass. But there are always people who understand. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It is very VERY important to take care of YOU before you can worry about everything/everyone else. Not sure if you've read any of my posts over on my Caring for my Veteran site, but I am now starting to openly admit my feelings...at least on the blog...and it does really help. 3/27/2014 07:05:45 am
*hugs* I think I am batting 1000. Bad times never last, even though they feel like it and they have a pesky habit of coming back. Not going to give in though. =D 3/27/2014 02:39:20 am
I believe you did the right thing in talking about your boss. Your happiness is important and you have to take steps to fight for it. 3/27/2014 07:04:39 am
Thanks. There's been a few recent developments and I think things at work should turn around a bit and we're all hoping it will result in things calming down and run smoothly. 3/31/2014 02:06:50 pm
as hard as it is for you to speak up for yourself, it's so great that you finally did - and that someone was there to listen. at some point, you have to stop worrying about others and focus on your own happiness. even if it means you have to make some changes. 3/31/2014 02:47:11 pm
I'm glad I did and things are definitely turning around now. Leave a Reply. |
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