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Write On Edge: New

11/8/2012

18 Comments

 
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I finally was able to get back into Write On Edge. The last two weeks just weren't working for me. I was gone or had no inspiration. I really like doing Write on Edge too. It challenges me and I enjoy looking at how others do the prompt.

With NaNo, everyone is starting new projects. This week's prompt is about those new projects or a new character or scene. With 300 words write about something that is shiny and new. I decided to give a little teaser to the beginning of Squidboy. Still struggling to come up with a title too. This is the first draft so it's rough on the edges with typos. When you're done reading, check out the other participants too.

“Corbin? Corbin?” Mom’s voice floated over the salty air.

I kept my gaze on the sun rising slowly over the harbor. Rays of orange and yellow fanned across the sky. The water shimmered as if covered in diamonds. In the distance, ships were visible, heading out in hopes of a good catch.

“Corbin, honey?” Mom’s voice was closer. Footsteps thumped on the wooden dock behind me. “Corbin, what are you doing out here?” There was an edge of panic in her voice.

I pull my gaze from the water and turned to Mom. The worry that peppered her voice was also in her face. It caused lines across her usually smooth, tanned skin and her green eyes to dim. A lock of black hair hung down in her face, escaped from the braid she kept it in. I stepped away from the edge of the dock.

“Venus and Jupiter are in conjunction.” I pointed to the two bright spots lingering in the sky. “Only happens once a year. Tomorrow night, the moon is suppose to get close enough to form a celestial triangle.”

A smile warred with the worry on Mom’s face. She wrapped an arm around me and kissed my forehead. “You shouldn’t disappear from your room like that. Gave me a scare when I came to wake you.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay. Just don’t do it again, please. Come on. I’ll make you breakfast.”

The sand tried to suck our feet down as we headed up the path to the house. I could feel her tension melting off her as we put distance between the water and us. At the glass door to the house, she paused and turned. Sadness dimmed her eyes as she stared at the sparkling water.
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18 Comments
Jennifer link
11/8/2012 10:45:46 pm

Hmmmm... I'm really liking this friction between the fear of being close to the water, but still living by it. At least that's what I'm picking up. Maybe I'm off base.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 05:20:39 am

Nope, you're right on track. =D

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Whispatory (Jennifer) link
11/9/2012 12:40:33 am

I agree with Jennifer, the sense of tension and loss near the water was nicely touched upon. It did make me wonder who they had lost. Or what Mom was afraid of.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 05:21:08 am

Or is it a combination of loss and fear? ;)

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AmyBeth Inverness link
11/9/2012 03:09:43 am

I read the title "Squidboy" while my 5yo is watching Spongebob in the background... it was not what my brain expected lol!

I love how the sand grabs at their feet, like it doesn't want them to go.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 05:22:02 am

LOL!
Sand is like that. Always trying to suck your feet in when walking on it. >.<

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M
11/9/2012 04:19:39 am

wow, I love this. The tension, the sand pulling at their feet, the mom's worry, the boy's wonderment and the looking back. I want to know their story.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 05:22:37 am

I'm working on it! Or trying to. Life keeps bugging me.

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cait link
11/9/2012 04:56:52 am

Makes me ask lots of questions! (Which is perfect.) I like the ring to *Squidboy*, too. Filled with possibility.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 05:23:07 am

Thanks. What I like to hear. =D

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MB link
11/9/2012 05:44:41 am

I dig the title of Squidboy too :P Titles are hard!

I'm guessing it's Mom scared of the water and perhaps not Corbin. Did they lose someone? Is she just a helicopter kind of mom? I guess we'll have to wait and see!

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 11:44:09 am

Titles are annoying. I'm hoping for a bolt of inspiration to hit.

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Cameron link
11/9/2012 11:32:27 am

The tension here is excellent. I had a hard time placing the boy's age. He seems unusually observant and aware, but still childlike in his dialogue. The dichotomy adds to the tension nicely.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 11:44:41 am

Thanks. =)

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angela link
11/9/2012 11:47:29 am

What a great beginning; I really like the tension and the detail about the planets aligning. I'd love to see this come together and find out more about the fear of the water.

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Patricia Lynne link
11/9/2012 11:52:38 am

When I was writing the scene, there actually was a celestial triangle that night and I saw a few articles about it. I had needed a reason for Corbin to be outside so I went with that because it was a bit educational. =)

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barbara @ de rebus link
11/10/2012 09:05:01 am

Intriguing! One wonders why she keeps him so close and what has to fear... lovely questions for a prologue!

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Patricia Lynne link
11/10/2012 09:34:26 am

Thanks. =D
This isn't a prologue BTW.

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